Tuesday, October 21, 2008

That scene would haunt me forever.. her plain, bare fingers. Flashed so coldly to me. 'Look at my fingers' "wheres it?" 'I threw it out of the window, its over' *crumble*

Even if its lost, i will find it.. But it seems that you didnt want it to be found.. Even if it could not be found, if we look for it together, the time spent together would be worthwhile..

But it had to happen again.. you're too indifferent, or so i thought. Maybe im too mindful.. Maybe im just.. wishy-washy.. why cant things be peaceful always.. We decided to give up.. I, decided to give up. We had our last hug and said goodbye.. I covered my eyes to hide the tears and she hugged me again.. After awhile, she told me, not to hold her again.. being cold and nonchalant.. "oh my gosh, i forgot to do something" 'Then go and do it' , pointing to the direction of the exit. "Can I do it?" 'Yes you can'

*muack*

I gave her one last kiss

She was stunned, and broke down again.

I too, reacted the same way upon seeing her tears..

We hugged for one final time, how i wished that it would last forever..

But i knew, I've decided, I would stop adding to her misery.. So it ended eventually, the expression of our final bit of feelings.. I would try my hardest, from now on, to treat her as a normal friend, to not love her anymore, to stop dragging both of us down deeper..

But can I really do it?

We talked and laughed like never before, talking about our future.. but deep down inside us, we know.. even if we wanted, we could never really forget our feelings for each other..
She gave up and said 'I think that this is so fake, I could never be friends with my ex' and started to leave. The mood was back to the one before. I held her back and re-assured her that I wont love her anymore.. How stupid I was.. I should have told her.. that I really love her, that I could never let her go, that she will always be in my heart, ask her if we can try again..

I didn't

and so we talked abit more and she went home.. I sent her up to her door. She told me, not to pat her head anymore.. I whined but agreed.. But when the door closed and I see myself in the mirror, I know that I am not happy.. cos droplets of sadness and regret are falling from my face..

It didnt stop.. for the whole ride home..

Guess I really couldnt let her go..

Back at home.. It wasnt long before i took out my phone and started typing out my feelings.. How I really feel, about her, about us.. I guess I was being selfish again.. wishy-washy, again..
What could I do? I really don't like the way I feel now.. its so.. painful..

She called me, asked me what was that message all about.. I spilled out everything.. and she said, ' why didnt you tell me all that just now?' Why are you still so Wishy-washy???????

She really gave up..

I told her, bit by bit, I will change.. and one day, I will be good enough.. ' Whatever,I dont care anymore'

Sent her another message "Take Care"

Posted by hmmm.. at 9:05 AM