Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Superbia

Pride.. Do i have too much of it..Fifi's been telling me that I'm too prideful, and im trying to change that.. been trying to figure out what my problem is.. seems like its affecting quite some parts of my life..

1st of all is my relationship with fifi.. and its the biggest problem.. maybe i have too much pride to apologise and just leave it at that.. I always had to find some reason to defend myself.. maybe im too proud to admit tt im at fault.. I tot tt this sinful deluded-ness would end here, but today I realise while sparring tt its entirely in me all this while..

I guess im too proud once again to admit tt i actually suck at sparring.. I see everyone improving by leaps and bounds.. but im still stuck there.. if not backsliding.. 'I think tt i can beat everyone, just be stronger than them'.. tts wats constantly on my mind.. disregarding the advantages n disadvantages in a fight, i just take everything n hit them back. 'he hits hard' - "i'll jus hit harder"
'hes fast' "I'll just be faster" dunno when will i be able to change this bad habit of mine tt doesnt acknowledge my weaknesses.. mowadays i will even flinch when the opponent attacks.. and i noe there is sth seriously wrong with my fighting style, but i don noe what.. they say tts or me to find out myself..

well.. all i can do is to keep fighting, and find the answer somehow..
maybe i can find the root of my problem.. the one with Fifi too..

Labels:

Posted by hmmm.. at 8:39 AM

Friday, October 24, 2008

Fifi.. wats wrong.. why are you avoiding me?? or are you ignoring me?? did i do sth wrong again?? Im getting worried about you.. Rmb our promise? pls call me back when u see me this k..

Posted by hmmm.. at 8:32 AM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

That scene would haunt me forever.. her plain, bare fingers. Flashed so coldly to me. 'Look at my fingers' "wheres it?" 'I threw it out of the window, its over' *crumble*

Even if its lost, i will find it.. But it seems that you didnt want it to be found.. Even if it could not be found, if we look for it together, the time spent together would be worthwhile..

But it had to happen again.. you're too indifferent, or so i thought. Maybe im too mindful.. Maybe im just.. wishy-washy.. why cant things be peaceful always.. We decided to give up.. I, decided to give up. We had our last hug and said goodbye.. I covered my eyes to hide the tears and she hugged me again.. After awhile, she told me, not to hold her again.. being cold and nonchalant.. "oh my gosh, i forgot to do something" 'Then go and do it' , pointing to the direction of the exit. "Can I do it?" 'Yes you can'

*muack*

I gave her one last kiss

She was stunned, and broke down again.

I too, reacted the same way upon seeing her tears..

We hugged for one final time, how i wished that it would last forever..

But i knew, I've decided, I would stop adding to her misery.. So it ended eventually, the expression of our final bit of feelings.. I would try my hardest, from now on, to treat her as a normal friend, to not love her anymore, to stop dragging both of us down deeper..

But can I really do it?

We talked and laughed like never before, talking about our future.. but deep down inside us, we know.. even if we wanted, we could never really forget our feelings for each other..
She gave up and said 'I think that this is so fake, I could never be friends with my ex' and started to leave. The mood was back to the one before. I held her back and re-assured her that I wont love her anymore.. How stupid I was.. I should have told her.. that I really love her, that I could never let her go, that she will always be in my heart, ask her if we can try again..

I didn't

and so we talked abit more and she went home.. I sent her up to her door. She told me, not to pat her head anymore.. I whined but agreed.. But when the door closed and I see myself in the mirror, I know that I am not happy.. cos droplets of sadness and regret are falling from my face..

It didnt stop.. for the whole ride home..

Guess I really couldnt let her go..

Back at home.. It wasnt long before i took out my phone and started typing out my feelings.. How I really feel, about her, about us.. I guess I was being selfish again.. wishy-washy, again..
What could I do? I really don't like the way I feel now.. its so.. painful..

She called me, asked me what was that message all about.. I spilled out everything.. and she said, ' why didnt you tell me all that just now?' Why are you still so Wishy-washy???????

She really gave up..

I told her, bit by bit, I will change.. and one day, I will be good enough.. ' Whatever,I dont care anymore'

Sent her another message "Take Care"

Posted by hmmm.. at 9:05 AM

Monday, October 20, 2008

omg im soo pissed! my stupid bro jus ate the nissin meant for fifi-.-

Posted by hmmm.. at 7:58 AM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A long walk under the moonlight
memories of bliss, so far from sight,
A few moments back, we cuddled in delight,
I thought i could hold those moments tight,
But it slipped off, despite all my might..

i just hope that.. my decision, is right..
If it makes her happier.. Alright..

Posted by hmmm.. at 6:16 AM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

haha went genting for 4 days starting from last tues. told the sports club peeps tt i'll be gg to visit my relatives with my family cos i had some council meeting on the day of departure.. well obviously it was a lie foools woot. ok i was lying but too bad, my frens come b4 u guys:x bleh*

haha tot i was smart but apparently some girl in my karate club saw me there.. in genting-.- holy crap.. what are the chances man..

ok back to what we did there..

ok im lazy and its late so im gonna leave it to the nxt post woot

Posted by hmmm.. at 9:25 AM

Friday, October 3, 2008

lunchbox, beancurd muffins and the promise of sometime..

why do you have to get angry over every little thing i say??
why do you have to find fault in every detail not meant that way??
why wont you believe me even till today??
maybe this road with me, you just wanna do away..
but i'll keep you here, regardless the price i'd pay..

Why do you look at me with eyes of doubt and hate..
that pierces my heart like a blade of slate..
as anger and frustrations escalate..
we are blinded and say its fate
realize it too late and now i've prayed..
that she still loves me after im frayed..

Posted by hmmm.. at 9:59 AM

Thursday, October 2, 2008

something from the long lost Friendster..

Subject: 21 things Girls dont realize
Message: you HAVE to read all of them and if you don't your going to come across with problems in your relationship for the next month!


1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about....
2) Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile(:
4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!!!
9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.
10)If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something
12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is
Guys rarely say that
13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me
14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking
something.
16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them
17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
18)No guy can handle all his problems on his own.
He's just too stubborn to admit it
19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!!
Just because ONE is RUDE doesnt mean he represents ALL of them
20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
21)Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life
Everything said in this bulletin is TRUE


-Ladies, if u don't repost this within 1 hr then you will lose the guy of your life
-Guys, if you don't repost this in 1 hr then you will lose the girl of your life
POST AS:21 things Girls dont realize


haha random but some of them are quite true *sigh*

i dont wanna work at oriental.. somebody gif me a better job pls.. -.-

Posted by hmmm.. at 3:59 AM