Friday, July 25, 2008

I am 18

woot i am 18! spent my bday with Fifi woot. watched the dark knight together, it was superb. The Joker is cool=) and so is Batman.. haha hes imba, some random guy drops from this ridiculous height and breaks his legs. He, justs jumps down and nth happens to him =.= plus all tt armor of his too.. imagine the weight.. and he wasnt using his wings.. oh and Batman can fly o.O lol, din noe tt b4..

after that fifi went to buy a 'cake' for me.. screw all those who say its not a cake:) it was super late then so screw the rules.. none of the shops were open..
well the cake wasnt important, the thought was.. the wish wasnt important, the effort is.

enjoyed my day even tho some things happened.. Fifi looks so cuteee when she dresses up =D wanted to buy some folding paper but somehow didnt.. wanted to take the neoprint pics too but it somehow didnt happen too.. well we could always take it again woot

the guys said they were gonna gif me sth.. made it sound so strange.. think its a gun or sth lol.. wanna go somewhere and talk crap with them the whole day again but meanwhile im being drowned by projects and deadlines-.-

well tts abt all, Fifi jus looks so cute:) hope my wish comes true

wooot

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Posted by hmmm.. at 7:22 AM

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

birthday..

its late at night
i hope im right
for maybe she might
still wish me tonight

'may your wishes come true!!'
and dreams alight with hue!
many had wish me too..
but somehow im still blue

i had hoped she was first
with gestures to quench the thirst
and emotions to burst
to erase all the worst

In the morning i may smile
for maybe she walked a mile
to ensure every rile
makes it worth the while

For even if its dull
I would appreciate the lull..

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Posted by hmmm.. at 9:34 AM

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

im so sorry!!

Im really so useless.. lost my ez-link card ytd and caused fifi to fall off the bike today..
im so sorry girl.. didnt mean for it to happen:(

haiz.. and this had to happen now.. just when things were looking up again for us.. i should haf been more careful.. forget it, think i'll jus stop cycling the bike with fifi standing behind.. -.-

damm.. i made her cry again.. cant blame her.. i too,feel like crying when i see those wounds:(
im reallllllllllllyyyyyyy sorrrrrrrriiiiieeee..

wonder how is she now.. hope she knows how to take care of the wounds.. gonna go see her later, hope she is willing to come out.. haiz..

sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry
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sorry fifi~ <(^ ^)><(^ ^<)(>^ ^)><(^ ^)> rmb this?

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Posted by hmmm.. at 12:07 AM

Monday, July 21, 2008

'Meisters'

Meisters.. i dont even know the real meaning of this word.. but for me, it means sth. something important- Friends.



Though my life may seem screwed up most of the time, im lucky and glad that I've at least made good friends in my life. Friends that i can turn to and friends that support me:) well now i can say that I've not lived my life in vain..



Though i don hang out with them as much now due to u noe.. and many other things in sch, we can still be as good friends as before for as long as we want, woot. bryan is influencing me with his woooot lol. speaking of bryan, its been a long time since i saw him and jon(I wanna duel with u again!!)



haha



changsong is missing his baby~

flew to somewhere far away

day after day he will pray

that she is happy today



woot randomness lol





sim just realized something bad

somehow it makes him sad

lol but its not about his dad

the past he will not dread



woot




yuxiang's mind is twisted

his trembling hands untreated

watches gory scenes repeated

and says that the world is twisted



woooot




bryan is a brat

nocturnal like a bat

though he is fat

he does not fret


screw the rules..

Jon is a duelist(lol)

and my rival beast

in Yu-gi-oh at least..

should the duel twist

the loser shall be pissed:)

wow.. 2 more

hong shan the retard

or so they say

maybe its in his blood

that hes random today

last.. phew

weichoy is rich

but hes not a bitch

busy and stressed nowadays

hes got his ways

anyone else?? haha

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Posted by hmmm.. at 7:25 AM

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Promises.. maybe..

She wants to give up.. i couldnt give in.. y couldnt i jus give in to her..
i want her to be happy, but instead caused her so much more pain..
i thought of just giving up.. but i couldnt bear to..
maybe im just too selfish.. maybe i really should let her fly..
After all, many people said that u dont have to be with someone to love someone..
maybe i just want to be loved in return..
maybe im just too stubborn..
maybe if i could start all over again..
now i cant even call her Fifi..

this is painful.. it hurts when i see her angry, it hurts when i see her drained, it hurts when she says she wants to give up, it hurts when i see her cry..
Again and again, i made her cry... my heart wrenches whenever she cries, and my world crumbles as well.. i made too many promises that i couldnt give.. said too many things that i dont mean, too many apologies that come too often.. im just.. too conceited..
I thought that after every quarrel, things would return to normal and everything she mentioned was only in a moment of spite..
should have paid attention..
attention.. it has always been my problem.. i didnt have it in class.. didnt have it before, and still didnt bother to have it now..
I've made too many mistakes, now i may not even be able to redeem..
i'll keep on trying but im still only human..

my whole world is crashing down.. y did dad become like this.. y does mom not know anything..
been avoiding them this whole week.. but can i stay like this forever?? i cant face them.. i dont know how.. grandma once told me tt i had to be the bridge among us brothers.. tt i had to stop my dad from end up on the hospital bed the same way as her.. but now dad seems like a stranger, i dont noe how to care anymore.. one day everything will just spill out from me.. one day i'll end up killing my dad.. i want to run away.. Fifi was my only comfort.. the guys did joke and cheered me up abit..
but now my home isnt home anymore.. i feel so terrible staying in here..
maybe if i just disappear, the secret will disappear with me, and everything will be jus like b4..
maybe im just deluding myself..
maybe this is the last post..
after all, she made this blog for me, if shes no longer with me, if she no longer reads, if she no longer cares, posting anymore would be meaningless..

y did i have to lose it to regret.. maybe my long planned birthday wish would not have a chance to come true.. maybe i wouldnt have a chance to wish it together with her.. maybe she would never know it.. maybe no one will.. maybe it will stay inside me.. forever.. maybe i would never have a chance to say those 3 words in person ever again..

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Posted by hmmm.. at 9:36 AM

Monday, July 14, 2008

huh.. i hope im wrong..

found sth bad and wrong by accident today.. was looking thru my recylce bin to find my long lost playstation emulator. din find it but found 'that' instead.. i hope im wrong but it seems like my father was in there. if it really is, den y.. why.. i really hope im wrong.. i always tot tt no matter how ill tempered he is, he wouldnt do this.. had to hide this from my bro.. i don wan anyone to confirm my doubts.. at least now i can jus shake it off as a coinciedental similarity.. i hope its not true.. arrrgggghhhh im going crazy, cant stop thinking abt tt..

i cant tell anyone.. no, i don wanna tell anyone.. its too.. embarrassing.. don noe if its the right word to describe the chaos in my mind now.. why.. its not him.. right.. i always tot that i was quite fortunate compared to others.. but now.. maybe i'll tell the guys about it.. not sure about fifi tho.. its jus.. not right.. maybe i could.. try..

somehow i pissed her off or sth again today.. she seemed quite hostile and so different from yesterday and the 'normal' days.. maybe i should give her a surprise visit after sports club meeting, hmm.. scratch that.. bad idea.. guess she would'nt want to see me today.. and i don think i can put up a non-gloomy front today.. guess it would only make things worse..

mom jus came back.. she looks tired.. i shouldnt tell her anything yet right?? i better delete that again before she comes and take a look at the com.. im sorry mom.. i cant let u see that yet.. not until i confirm it myself.. not until i can at least accept the thing tt i found.. not until the truth is revealed before me.. but how am i gg to do tt..? and.. do i really want to do tt??? i jus hope that my bro doesnt go searching for the playstation emulator like i did and find that pic.. maybe i should delete it permanently?? but would tt put 'him' on alert? he should noe that he left it in the recycle bin..

and.. who is that.. in front.. looking at the mirror.. half..owrhNHPIGOargnwspiowrenha'oirgwpioe4gosndgowgwpiowipgonwapiognhonwpdsvklvdsnionhgsnigoibongojdsbfgoiwebngoeg

-HongGan- this is your new mission-

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Posted by hmmm.. at 2:44 AM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

show me the money

show me the money. thats the cheat for getting ALOT of money instantly in Starcraft. i wish i could do this now-.- and my 100 ringit is gone somehow.. haha.

went jogging at resevoir yesterday.. and somehow took more than 2 hrs to complete 1 round=x
hahaha wow rite..

oh ya, fifi went to rebond her hair today. cant wait to see how she looks like:)

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Posted by hmmm.. at 5:49 AM

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

yes, you're wrong

Haiz.. things seems wrong today.. starting from yesterday, my back which i tot have healed, has left a super painful bruise-like thing.. it causes a SHARP pain when its touched ouchh.. wanted to tell her about it but she seemed like she wasnt in the mood to talk when i called her last night.. it woke me up in the middle of the night, and it was so painful tt it kept me up zzz.. felt really terrible n wanted to tell someone to 'save' me, but who could i tell in the middle of the night.. not to mention fifi is in 'quiet' mode..



haiz.. tot i would sleep in till im full today cos i didnt need to send fifi to sch.. but i woke up at 7.53am this morning.. guess its become a habit tt i send her to sch every morning.. went back to lie down and tried to go back to sleep, but was afraid tt she couldnt wake up in time n pon sch. so i decided to call her.. well she didnt pick up.. sent her a msg and called her again when she replied but she didnt pick up again zzz.. somehow i feel tt shes avoiding me..



haiz.. fell alseep but kept waking up every half-an-hour.. dunno wat i wanted to expect by waking up.. finally decided to wake up for good at 11am.. wasnt sure wether theres APEL today so i called haziq n the class ppl.. but somehow everyone didnt pick up my calls.. wth is wrong with today man.. luckily cs, yx and hs kept me company for awhile, was feeling super sian..



haiz.. nearly fell asleep in psycho tutorial.. tot i would be more awake after i slept till 11.. training was not tt tough but i felt dizzy n pale.. sth's wrong with me damm.. wanted to go home fast.. reached home and tried to call her again, but she still doesnt pick up.. somehow.. i think shes avoiding me.. well.. but why.. maybe its jus me.. but i really wanna talk to someone now..



haiz.. and now, im typing this post n hoping she would call me back soon.. maybe im not that good anymore.. maybe its just me.. well.. if shes really avoiding me.. den i think i shouldnt call her anymore till she doesnt wanna avoid me anymore.. give her some space, or so they say..

haiz.. without u here, its hard to endure.. without u to bug me, I feel so bugged.. this is the translation for part of 'kai bu liao kou'.. dunno y she doesnt like this song.. so nice.. zzz y am i typing this now.. supposed to end this post just now..

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Posted by hmmm.. at 7:26 AM

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

If tomorrow never comes

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay their in the dark
And the thought crossed my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes..
Will she know how much I loved her?
Did I try in every way?
To show her every day,
That she's my only one~
If my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes..

Cause I've lost love ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance
To tell her how I feel ..

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Posted by hmmm.. at 7:48 AM

Thursday, July 3, 2008

proper post..

well its been a long time since i posted sth proper on my blog.. this time, screw the poems lol.

feels like i haven seen my friends in ages, maybe i really did, lemme see the last time was carl's junior at suntec.. which is... last saturday?? ok maybe not that long lol.. jus hope they don disturb me with all those disturbing things tt they were saying then.. hope i can get more sleep from now on since PMGTINNO is over.. don ask me wats tt, i don wanna say lol..

ok for the 'emo' section-
this week had been rough and bitter.. but sweet things came after the bitter things.. and sometimes im really glad.. saw this phrase in a chnl 55 show tt says 'eat the sweet, and the bitter..' tot tt it was nice.. i mean, for the sweet things, i would endure the bitter ones. And sometimes there is sweetness in bitter times too.. i would rather feel both than feel neither..

shiet the emo part is longer again haiz.. this proves that im emo, haha..

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Posted by hmmm.. at 5:22 AM